Why does everything have to bring back old pain? Why can't I just forget?

I feel like all the fight's gone out of me. I'm just so tired, both mentally and physically. I don't want to go on like this, but I've got no choice. I just want it to stop, but it won't. What did I do to deserve this?

Yet more meds

Well, I got a scrip today for Chlorpromazine. Hopefully it'll stabilise me for long enough to see my psychiatrist, who's away this week. His SHO was very helpful, and I'm hoping this'll work, but to be honest, I think I'm going to end up in hospital sooner rather than later. I hope I'm wrong, but I know how I'm feeling, and I know how things are when it gets that bad. Well, I'm sorting out things to do if I do go in, I've promised to try and make blankets for a charity that sends help to Romania, which I think is a good cause.

When things go wrong (again)

Things are going wrong again. The psychosis has suddenly got worse: the voices are louder, the TV's talking about me, and I'm seeing lots of strange things. My psychiatrist has doubled my risperidone, but to no effect. I'm getting so sick of this, I just want it to stop, and it won't. I don't think it ever will. I don't know what to do. I've passed on a message to my psychiatrist, telling him that things haven't improved, so maybe he'll come up with something. I just hope its not haloperidol.