I'm tired of being a "schizo",
Of being thought a freak.
I'm tired of feeling worthless
I'm tired of feeling weak.
I'm tired of fighting every day,
As is it were my last,
I'm tired of all the memories,
The pain that's from the past.

Fear?

I'm starting at university in a month, and I'm terrified about being alone. Will someone take it upon htemselves to take me for coffee? Will I be able to keep up with the reading? Will this horrible depression lift in time?

All I can do is hope and pray that it all goes well, and that my fears are unfounded.

Happy Christmas

It's Christmas Eve, and I'm getting to the point I do every day, when I'm sick of being up, and go to bed rediculously early. So, I'll wish anyone reading this as happier Christmas as they can have. Mine won't be easy, I'm severely depressed and anxious, but I'll try my best to enjoy it.

Take care of yourselves, I@ll do my best to do the same...

More new meds

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. He's changed my antidepressant from Clomipramine to citalopram and trazodone, which will help calme me down too. A swell as that, he's given me diazepam, to help when things are really bad.

I've ogt a month of this, to see how it goes. All I ccan do is hope and pray that they do.

New hope?

I've just got home from an appointment witbh my psychiatrist. He's changed my antidepressants. Instead of clomipramine, he' sput me on trazodone and citalopram. THese should also help with the feelings of anxiety I've been getting. He's also given me diazapem, to calm me down in then short term.

All I can do is hope and pray that these work, and do what the last umteen drugs haven't been able to do.

I hate snow!

I've been stuck indoors again, because of snow an dice. I know it's nobody's fault, and prefectly reasonable, but it doesn't help when you're feeling depressed, and all you can do is stay inside.

I'm sure snow's pretty, but, let's be honest, I'm blind, I don't care how it looks!

Out of luck it seems

I saw my CPN yesterday. She said I'd been through pretty much all available antidepressants, and she didn't know what to do now. She suggested CBT, which didn't work the last 4 times I've tried it.
I just want all of it to stop, and to feel well. I'm dreading a Christmas feeling like this.

Tired to my bones

I'm feeling so low at the moement, nothing can cheer me up for any length f of time. It's making me so tired, to use an old word, weary. I'm tired of everything, nothing shifts it. I hear something good, and I feel better for a few minutes,then sink back down again.

I'm waiting on an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist, but it doesn't look too likely I'll get one. All I can do is keep on walking through treacle and fog, hoping for some relief.

Fed up

I'm feeling really crap at the moment. I shouldn't be: I've got a place at uni doing a degree I'm interested in, an d a friend of mine recently had some good news, but I can't seem to pull myself out of hthis one. I need a change in medication, and need to see my psychiatrist. I've been waiting for an emergency appointment to be made, but nothing so far. Also, the voices are louder than I'd like.

All I can say is, please don't let em be on the ward at Christmas.