Readmission

I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday, and he referred me to the crisis team. I saw them today, and they were slightly more tolerant and less stupid than usual. I'm being admitted to hospital within the next few days, and I don't know how long I'm going to be in there. Hopefully not too long. I don't know what they're going to do about my medication, but possibly I'll be going back on Clozapine. I'm not sure how I feel about that, as it was very serious when it went toxic last year, but it did help a lot with my schizophrenia, so maybe it'd be a good thing. Only time will tell.

Thank you

I want to say thanks to my friends, for all their prayers, love and support, they've really stuck by me, when no-one else has.

I'm annoyed!

My psychiatrist was supposed to phone me yesterday, to talk about how things were going. He didn't, and I phoned the hospital to speak to him today. He wasn't there, but my social worker was then supposed to phone me. Again, he didn't. I feel like I'm just being left to go quietly mad, and nobody in the hospital system actually cares.

Why does everything have to bring back old pain? Why can't I just forget?

I feel like all the fight's gone out of me. I'm just so tired, both mentally and physically. I don't want to go on like this, but I've got no choice. I just want it to stop, but it won't. What did I do to deserve this?

Yet more meds

Well, I got a scrip today for Chlorpromazine. Hopefully it'll stabilise me for long enough to see my psychiatrist, who's away this week. His SHO was very helpful, and I'm hoping this'll work, but to be honest, I think I'm going to end up in hospital sooner rather than later. I hope I'm wrong, but I know how I'm feeling, and I know how things are when it gets that bad. Well, I'm sorting out things to do if I do go in, I've promised to try and make blankets for a charity that sends help to Romania, which I think is a good cause.

When things go wrong (again)

Things are going wrong again. The psychosis has suddenly got worse: the voices are louder, the TV's talking about me, and I'm seeing lots of strange things. My psychiatrist has doubled my risperidone, but to no effect. I'm getting so sick of this, I just want it to stop, and it won't. I don't think it ever will. I don't know what to do. I've passed on a message to my psychiatrist, telling him that things haven't improved, so maybe he'll come up with something. I just hope its not haloperidol.