Full of hope (I think)

I've got a ward review meeting today. This where the psychiatrist decides if I can be discharged formally, or go on another week's leave. I'm hoping to be discharged, so I can see my usual psychiatrist, who knows me well. Sadly, there's absolutely nothing I can do to influence him, except for being good, and not doing what the voices say. I'm working on them not being real, but that's a bigger battle to win.

Very tired

I've been given a drug called melatonin,, which is absolutely great. I've been getting 7-8 hours' a night sleep, rather than the usual 1 or less. Sadly, the clozapine makes me tired during the day, but hopefully it'll wear off after a while.. To be honest though, I don't actually care, as long as I'm getting a full night!

Blood pressure

I've been having my blood pressure taken every morning and evening. My BP is usually fairly low, but nothing to worry about. Sadly,, I can't say the same at the moment. I'm praying I don't have to go back into hospital, but I suppose a pessimist is never disappointed!

Hiya

Well, after being admitted as an emergency, life is just starting to get back to "normal". T he clozapine made my blood pressure and pulse go through the roof, without any warning. It's possible that it's been caused by a reaction between that and the morphine.

I'm hoping that this'll e the last time I go in for a while. I can't fault the nursing staff, but some of the patients weren't too great.

Result!?

Well, I'm doing okay. The psychosis is getting better steadily, hopefully in a few weeks I'll be sure that the voices aren't real, I know they're lying now anyway. This is great, but the depression's not too great. I'm feeling very low, and the Inpatient psychiatrist (who isn't my usual one) is an idiot, and has told me not to be "silly" on more than one occasion. I'm sorry, is it "silly" to be worried about your own body and mind? Well, I'll be seeing my regular psychiatrist soon, and hopefully he'll be a bit more helpful, or at least less dismissive.

"The light at the end of the tunnel...

"...is the light of an oncoming train!"

Up until a few days ago, I'd have agreed with that. I've been in hospital for over 5 weeks, and didn't see much improvement. But, after being put back on Clzaril, I'm beginning to feel a bit better. I'm hoping that, in a few weeks, I'll be free of the major parts of my Psychosis, and that the depression I'm feeling will lift. All I can do is hope.

Melatonin

Well, I saw another pair of crisis team people today, a social worker and a doctor. They agree with my usual psychiatrist that I should start back on Clozapine, which, if it didn't go toxic on me again, would be great. The doctor also suggested I go on Melatonin, to help me sleep. To be honest, I'd try almost anything to help me sleep, I'm desperate. I'm just worried about the Clozapine going toxic, as it made me so ill last time, but I have to believe the doctors know what they're doing. I still don't know which hospital I'll be going to, but it's definite that I will be going in, for a "short" admission (I don't know how long "short" will be, but last time I was put on it, it was about 3 weeks) I suppose I'll just have to take things as they come. At least I'll have time to make those blanket squares I promised my friend, all clouds have a silver lining!