Christmas went fairly well for me. I cooked dinner for me, my brother and stepdad. I've started finding Christmas difficult, after my mom died nearly 6 years ago. I find my birthday even worse, as she died 5 days after my 21st. I'm not looking for sympathy here, its just a fact in my life, which I can't change, so should just learn to get used to it.
I also find Christmas hard because you're just expected to be fine, no matter what. I can't just turn on happy feelings, although I do always try, so other people don't get pissed off with me. It does annoy me when some people say that I'm just putting it on, that there's nothing wrong that all it would take to sort me out would be a job, boyfriend, money, or God know's what. This is so blatantly not true: do you really think I like being a mess, or make my own (and other people's) lives difficult, or at least uncomfortable?
Sorry, rant over! I find that if I don't go off on one fairly regularly, then I'll explode.That's about all I'll burden you with for now. Hope you're coping well enough.
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