Sick of it all

I'm sick of being ill. If it's not the schizophrenia, its the depression, which means I'm struggling to fight the schizophrenia. I'm tired, both mentally and physically, I just don't care any more. I hate feeling like this, it makes me feel dead inside, like I don't exist, and if I do, hen it wouldn't matter if I didn't.

I've had 10 days of nitrazepam, which has given me a drugged sleep, so at least I've been physically rested (your brain doesn't stop working, it still goes on as per usual). I've finished the course now, so doubtless I'll go back to not sleeping, which will make the depression worse. Is there nothing I can do?

"Sit it out"!

The depression's no better, in fact, it's feeling worse than ever right now. A CPN told me I should be used to my resistant depression, and should sit out the next few months, as I know it usually lifts after 6 or 7 months. This is bloody stupid! I am used to my depression, but I also know that I can't just put up with it like she says, as it's crushing me. I can't face doing anything. Even Robbie isn't getting all the love he should, II just can't cope with him at the moment. I love that cat, and he's so important to me, which means there must be something quite wrong.