An apology

I'm writing this after talking to a friend who read the entry about my exorcism. I really didn't mean to portray anyone who is religious as being delusional. I was describing my own family, particularly my mother, who was both. If I've offended anyone, that really wasn't my intention. People are entitled to believe what they want. My problem is that these beliefs can cause harm, and that is my experience of it.

Clozaril

I've not been doing too well lately. I've been reducing my meds, as my doctor said I should, and I'm now feeling pretty awful. I'm hardly sleeping at all. I know this is pretty usual for me, but when I just wasn't sleeping, I could relax physically, and now I'm not sleeping due to meds, I can't relax at all.

I went to the hospital this morning, as per usual, and had a chat with theCPN, who suggested I go back on Clozaril (clozapine). My psychiatrist has suggested this several times, and I've said no to it, because the side effects are pretty horrible, leaving me with a severe loss in quality of life. It puts weight on you, makes you dribble, slurs your speech, and generally slows you down. The CPN I saw this morning told me about some new ideas on how some of these side effects could be controlled. I eat fairly healthily, and could always improve my diet, I also do a lot more exercise now than I did when I was first on this drug. There are also some meds that reduce the production of saliva, which would control the dribbling fairly well.

Given this new information, I think I will try Clozaril, if my doctor still thinks it's a good idea, which I think he will. Its a scary thought, but I'm pretty much willing to try most things, if there's a reasonable assumption that it could make me better.