Okay.....

.......so listening to Gallows and crocheting is not the most "normal" thing to do, but it does well enough for me.

I'm not really feeling too well today. It's all a bit much. I can't seem to be able to ignore the hallucinations. I know they're not real, but they just won't go away! I keep telling myself that there's nothing crawling on the floor, and that the voices are coming from my own head, but they seem so real, so when you're experiencing them all the time (particularly the voices, which I have all the time, even in my sleep) then it starts to get confusing, and I doubt my rational judgements.

I'm so tired I could cry. I've tried almost everything. I bought an oil burner today, and some lavender crystals. A woman at the day centre suggested it yesterday, and I'm willing to try anything (well, as long as it's legal) so we'll see. My life seems so ordinary to me, but everyone else says it's quite strange, hence the title of the blog. I'm so used to the schizophrenia, it shouldn't bother me. It's been 13 years, I should have learned to control it, but that just doesn't seem to work.

I doubt I'll never get "used" to it, it's going to be part of me until I die. It's a bitch! Blindness doesn't really bother me, but I would love to be able to see colours.Anyway, I've spouted enough rubbish for now. Goodbye.

Yet another night with almost no sleep.

It's been about 2 months now. I know this is because of my illness, but it's beginning to feel like someone's got it in for me! I know that may sound paranoid, but I am paranoid, so I'm afraid you'll have to try and get used to it, as I really can't help the way I think sometimes.

The voices are also too loud. I have 4 male voices, and hear them all the time, even in my sleep. When I do actually get some sleep, they often wake me up. I started on Depixol 4 months ago, and I was starting to get to a point where I could ignore them.

Sadly, as I'm not sleeping, they've got a lot worse, and I find it very hard to cope with the symptoms if I'm tired. I recently had a horrible hallucination of the Grim Reaper, which scared the crap out of me. It's stupid, I don't even believe he exists, but when you see things, they're so real you can't stop yourself thinking that they aren't there, or don't exist.

I'll leave you now. Maybe I'll have something a bit more constructive to say next time!

Before I start, I'll introduce myself.

Hi. Before I start, I'll introduce myself. I'm exactly what I say in the title: I'm both totally blind, and I suffer from schizophrenia. I've been blind all my life, and schizophrenic for 13 years.

I like punk rock and metal, cats (well, my cat Robbie, anyway), swimming and aqua-aerobics, and cooking.I'm not sure what to say, as this is my first ever blog entry.

I hope that I'll come up with something better next time, but, as I said, I thought it would be much better if I told you about me, rather than just starting with a rant about how horrible meds can be sometimes. I promise I'll do that at some point soon!