Thanks

I'm just publicly thanking my friend (you'll know who you are) for giving me a brilliant shortbread recipe. I've never made it myself, and it's turned out rather well,. Thanks again.

Pain control

I'm in pain.

They're decreasing my morphine quicker than they're increasing my gabapentin. I've finally got more, so I'm allowed to sort out my pain to a small extent, but not enough. I know what I need, and what the pain doctor said I needed, but nobody seems to really listens to me. Hopefully things will improve over the next few weeks. As long as I can show I'm a good girl, and don't try to OD,, they might give me more flexibility.

I don't want to be on any painkillers, it's not what I'd hoped for my life, but it's what I'm stuck with.

Strange feelings

I've never felt like this.: disorientated, dizzy, and not really knowing who I am. I know why, it's the withdrawal from the morphine, but I don't like it. I've been told it'll only last a couple of weeks, thank God, but it's going to be a tough time.

Don't know what to do...

I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday, and don't know how to approach things. I'm quite angry with him, as he was totally unhelpful when I was getting really bad. On the other hand, he's a good doctor, and I don't want to be moved to someone else, because I've kicked off.

Why is life never easy?!

Coming off morphine

Today's the ifirst day I'm weaning myself off morphine, following doctor's instructions. So far, I feeling sick, tired and in pain (from the original problem).

On the other hand, my 4 invisible enemies are chattering a little louder than I'd like, but I'm not worried, I think it's just a little blip.

I think the withdrawal symptoms will get worse before they get better, but we'll just have to see. Please pray for me, and, in a big measure, wish me luck!

Coming off morphine

I went to see my GP yesterday, with my CPN. I am starting to be weaned off morphine starting next Thursday, when my new medication pack comes through. To replace the morphine, I'm going on gabapentin, increasing the dose until the pain is controlled, or at least bearable.

All I can say is, thank God!

Thanks to a friend

I was talking to a close friend, about my earlier blog entry today. She helped put em into perspective, that God's will was for me to get better, in whatever order He chooses. It's helpful having someone to look at it from another angle. Thank God for friends!

Aren't feelings strange things?

I'm not sure how I feel at the moment. Am I ecstatically happy that the psychosis is getting better, or lower, because I can't shake off the depression? I know I need to speak to my psychiatrist about that, but I can't get it clear in my mind. I think the psychosis was a million times worse than the depression, so I'm glad to be getting rid of it.

Also, there's someone I like very much, who I've known for several years, who I think has feelings for me, and I don't know quite how I feel for this person.

I'm not good at dealing with feelings and emotions, I can be a bit frozen sometimes.