I should maybe start by telling you about my "friend" Mikie. He's not actually real, he's what's known as a comfort hallucination. He stops me doing myself any serious harm, or hurting other people. I've known him since I was 13, and he's never been unkind to me. I know this may sound a bit weird, but I take friendship from anyone, real or not.
I had a truly horrible hallucination last night. I was lying in bed, at about 4 o'clock in the morning, and something huge, and totally evil, hovered above me. It took up almost all of my room. I screamed my head off, I was terrified. I live with my brother at the moment, until he can find somewhere to live on his own. He came in and calmed me down. That's one of the worst hallucinations I've had in the last couple of years.
That hallucination, and the fact that I'm not sleeping, and feeling very strange, makes me worry that I'm headed for a really bad episode. They tend to begin a bit like this, and there's nothing I can do. I'm trying to get in touch with my psychiatrist, but with no luck yet, as he's very busy. So, if you don't hear from me for a bit, it's because I'm in hospital. This is unlikely, as I'm usually put in the care of the Home Treatment Team, who are really helpful and supportive.
Hopefully I'm wrong. I'll let you know in time.
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